Part One: The problem

I'm sitting at work like every Saturday wishing that I was somewhere else. Anywhere else really. This office really has this way of sucking the life out of everything. It's like a black hole...only well-lit, surrounded by windows, and not black at all. In fact, it has a great view of the city and the river which would be fantastic if only I didn't have to spend every second in a four-walled cubicle. It's just me and the grasshopper and 98.5 breaking the silence. Boring is not a strong enough word. And I'm certain that this recylced air cannot be healthy.

Being an undergrad really gets you stuck in these positions where you feel smothered, like you can't move. I'm stuck here in this office. Stuck because we need money and stuck because it's the only place that pays and will work around the ever-changing school schedules. It would be ideal if it were possible to concentrate on homework while being here. But no, the black hole effect just doesn't permit that.

So, Facebook takes up most of my time here. Now I have this blog to fill my homework time. I need something new. Saturday 7-7 and Sunday 8-6 is really getting me down when everyone else is working 5-10:30 and partying afterwards. I can't because I have to get up so early. (Did I mention I'm the worst morning person in the world??) Always the responsible one having to work to pay the bills and study to get the grades. The "motherly" one that gets to take care of everyone when they drink but can't drink herself because then who will take care of the others? (Or is that even really the reason...who knows why he doesn't want for me to drink at all. It's okay for him but not me.) And the one that doesn't have her own friends to hang out with or the time to hang out with them in the first place. Some may say I've done this to myself.

I'm apparently in the wrong place right now. I'm not ready for all of the responsibilities that I've taken on. I've just turned 21 and I'm living like I'm 51. I spend my time searching the Kroger sales ads and adding digital coupons to my Kroger card and worrying about my apt getting clean. I take naps whenever I get a chance to. I get online to pay bills. What am I going to do when I actually am old when I've spent all of my youth being old? I'll revert instead of going forward. Something needs to change now to keep me from falling back later.

Solution=different job with different schedule. Stop worrying. Graduate. Postpone grad school. Find a job that I will enjoy...bartender?
New problem=What job will pay this much and give me a schedule that lets me have some free time? And how will I obtain said job? How do I do what I want to do without upsetting the person/people that mean the most to me?

I need answers...thank you life.