Addendum: The problem

So, maybe my last blog resembled a toddler whining about not getting the watermelon bublicious in the checkout line that she so badly wants but you have to start somewhere, right? And maybe I am whining but we all have to at some point. I'm working on taking action...hence the "problem." Eventually, I hope to have a blog entitled "the solution." And that will come on the day that I have this epiphany that I have been waiting for...
Today, I found out that I am no longer a Cancer according to the new astrology. The Earth apparently moved and now I'm a Gemini. So, I decided to read into this a little. I mean, I've spent the last 21 years in fear of contracting cancer since I'm a "cancer" and now they tell me that I'm not a cancer? Upon further research, it appears that I now have to worry about something called catarrh and bronchitis. Hopefully they are less to deal with than cancer.
The thing is, I think I confused the planets the day that I was born and threw them off and somehow became both cancer and gemini due to the confusing nature of my person. I don't have two personalities like the gemini twins and I hate the color red, therefore I cannot be a crab. So, maybe they misplaced the new astrological sign and it actually belongs right slap dab in the middle of July. I guess you can't really read too much into astrology though...then my world would just be so upside down right now!
So, I always make these lists: what I need to do before winter break ends, what I need to do this weekend, what I should do on Tuesday, books to read before I'm 25, the lists go on and on and I realized that I like never finish them. It's not like the lists are that long in general but life always gets in the way. Then, I look back at my lists and I'm like, I didn't do half of those things that I wanted to and I feel bad. Maybe I shouldn't make the lists in the first place or maybe I need to adopt the whole AT&T roll over idea. Whatever I don't finish on one list should roll over onto my next list...good idea or bad? I don't know.
I always see these self-help books that tell you contradictory things "make your bucket list" "live in the moment"...I think those books help the people writing them way more than they will ever help anyone that reads them. And I highly doubt that they even live by all of those things that they say. I mean, if they all work then why do they all say something different? I can tell you now, those self-help books are not on my list of books to read...except maybe "cooking for dummies" because I can burn bread in the toaster (and I do, quite often).
Speaking of self-help, my mom and I spent the evening in Barnes and Noble when I got out of this dreadful office last night. It was definitely entertaining. I love those biographical books and the ones filled with the memorabilia. Unfortunately, it reminds you how dull your life is. It's really fascinating though to see how people come from nowhere and become some of the most well-known icons in history. I would say that is much more encouraging than the self-help section. You just have to remember not to get your hopes to high. I mean, there's a reason why Muhammad Ali is called the greatest...he's the only one that can be as great as he is. You can just try to be as good...so don't be upset when you aren't as good as he was, atleast you had a good role model.
Today, I spent the day watching ballet warm ups on Youtube and began practicing again myself. At first, all of my bones in my body were cracking and I had forgotten how hard it was to plie with proper form!! But then, it comes back. And afterwards, your body just feels so0o much better! I found this ballerina on youtube that I couldn't help but to watch over and over again. Her name is Adeline Pastor. All that I can say is wow. I wish that I could dance half as well as she did when she was just ten years old.

My dream brought back to life...

Part One: The problem

I'm sitting at work like every Saturday wishing that I was somewhere else. Anywhere else really. This office really has this way of sucking the life out of everything. It's like a black hole...only well-lit, surrounded by windows, and not black at all. In fact, it has a great view of the city and the river which would be fantastic if only I didn't have to spend every second in a four-walled cubicle. It's just me and the grasshopper and 98.5 breaking the silence. Boring is not a strong enough word. And I'm certain that this recylced air cannot be healthy.

Being an undergrad really gets you stuck in these positions where you feel smothered, like you can't move. I'm stuck here in this office. Stuck because we need money and stuck because it's the only place that pays and will work around the ever-changing school schedules. It would be ideal if it were possible to concentrate on homework while being here. But no, the black hole effect just doesn't permit that.

So, Facebook takes up most of my time here. Now I have this blog to fill my homework time. I need something new. Saturday 7-7 and Sunday 8-6 is really getting me down when everyone else is working 5-10:30 and partying afterwards. I can't because I have to get up so early. (Did I mention I'm the worst morning person in the world??) Always the responsible one having to work to pay the bills and study to get the grades. The "motherly" one that gets to take care of everyone when they drink but can't drink herself because then who will take care of the others? (Or is that even really the reason...who knows why he doesn't want for me to drink at all. It's okay for him but not me.) And the one that doesn't have her own friends to hang out with or the time to hang out with them in the first place. Some may say I've done this to myself.

I'm apparently in the wrong place right now. I'm not ready for all of the responsibilities that I've taken on. I've just turned 21 and I'm living like I'm 51. I spend my time searching the Kroger sales ads and adding digital coupons to my Kroger card and worrying about my apt getting clean. I take naps whenever I get a chance to. I get online to pay bills. What am I going to do when I actually am old when I've spent all of my youth being old? I'll revert instead of going forward. Something needs to change now to keep me from falling back later.

Solution=different job with different schedule. Stop worrying. Graduate. Postpone grad school. Find a job that I will enjoy...bartender?
New problem=What job will pay this much and give me a schedule that lets me have some free time? And how will I obtain said job? How do I do what I want to do without upsetting the person/people that mean the most to me?

I need answers...thank you life.